tujuh ramadhan

since kecik, ayah & mak ajar kitorang puasa

wajibkan puasa, and kitorang ikut

though of course sometimes tu ade jugak la cheating

bukak peti minum air sejuk straight from botol

especially time skolah petang sebab pagi tu banyak time bley lari masuk dapur

and malam plak, kitorang kene ikut pegi terawih

kalau tak ikut pun, boleh terawih sendiri kat rumah

but most of the time, mmg kene ikut gi masjid unless berjaya come up dgn reason hebat

macam saket perut, or pening kepala sangat-sangat

apa2pun mmg kena jugak habiskan 8 rakaat terawih and 3 rakaat witir

sometimes tu bila ade geng, ade jugak aku lari pegi playground dekat penjara pengkalan chepa tu

memang best slides kat situ, laju habis especially kalau guna sejadah

banyak kali jugak la escape a few rakaat and pergi melalak kat situ

sampai lah kantoi with ayah and kene marah so tak pergi dah

dalam bulan puasa, ayah & mak nak kitorang khatam satu Quran

so diorang cakap, kalau habis satu juzuk, dpt sepuluh ringgit

so sebab nak dapat kan duit raya banyak plus tiga ratus ringgit

kitorang pun berlumba-lumba la baca Quran

bangun pagi je baca Quran

everytime lepas solat je, baca Quran

rasa lapar petang je baca Quran

malam lepas moreh je baca Quran

lepas main  bunga api pun baca Quran

and memang confirm lah akan sempat habis 30 juzuk and dapat reward as promised

time salam raya tu memang sangat puas hati and bangga

sekarang masing-masing dah besar

mak pun dah takde

and kitorang pun tak duduk dengan ayah except for abang

so takde siapa2 lagi nak suruh, nak ingatkan, nak pesankan

tapi alhamdulillah

berkat usaha mak & ayah

kitorg cuba nak fully utilize bulan puasa ni

harini tujuh ramadhan

terawih masih full

and Quran plak pagi tadi dah habiskan sampai juzuk 9

petang ni nak masuk 10 insyaAllah

thank you ayah, thank you mak

and mostly thank you Allah sebab still bagi chance nak rasa ramadhan

to mak, i miss you we all miss you

semoga mak tenang and happy kat sana

semoga mak ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang beriman dan diredhai Allah

ameen

happy birthday

the day is here again

and it has been 7 times now without u

i miss u mak

all of us do

if u should know, i could still remember how u smell

and yes, we still keep ur perfume in ur crystal cabinet

we only use it during raya

so we could feel that ur there with us

may u rest in peace mak

may we meet again in that eternal bliss

insyaAllah

happy birthday mak

missing u a thousand times more now

with all the love in the world

hugs and kisses

alfatihah

vanilla twilight

the song already speaks for itself
something for you to ponder upon
vanilla twilight by owl city

the stars lean down to kiss you

and i lie awake and miss you

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

cos i'll doze off safe and soundly

but i'll miss your arms around me

i'd send a postcard to you, dear

cos i wish you were here

i'll watch the night turn light blue

but it's not the same without you

because it takes two to whisper quietly

the silence isn't so bad

till i look at my hands and feel sad

cos the spaces between my fingers

are right where yours fit perfectly

i'll find repose in new ways

though i haven't slept in two days

cos cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

but drenched in vanilla twilight

i'll sit on the front porch all night

waist deep in thought because when i think of you

i don't feel so alone

i don't feel so alone

i don't feel so alone

as many times as i blink i'll think of you.. tonight

i'll think of you tonight

when violet eyes get brighter

and heavy wings grow lighter

i'll taste the sky and feel alive again

and i'll forget the world that i knew

but i swear i won't forget you

oh if my voice could reach back through the past

i'd whisper in your ear

oh darling i wish you were here

50th post

it has been long since i last caught a bad fever like this
and worse, hmphhh..
(dont see the need to elaborate)

mak, i miss you. i always do
and in times like this, i miss you a zillion times more

hugs.
(please hug me back)

when lovely sister turns 30

taken from kakjulie's facebook post
1st july 2010

my birthday is no more my happy day..
Today at 2:39am

1st july 2004 was my 24th bday.. i was carrying Aisya inside me at 6.5mths.. it wasn't really a happy day, but i pretend to be cheerful..

that morning, since it was my birthday, i wanted to cook bubur kacang, as i never did that before. i asked mak to tell me the steps. while i was cooking, i saw mak wasn't looking usual. she was not as cheerful as the previous days.

i finished cooking my 1st bubur kacang ever. but i didn't taste it. i went back to be with mak. she was on steroid for 5 days already. but that morning, steroid wasn't working for her anymore. she started to frown, fighting back her headache.

i feed mak with nasi tumpang, a special breakfast you can find in Kelantan. she ate little. i knew she was not feeling well. she said she wanted to lie down. i was with her all the time.

during lunch, mak doesn't have the appetite to eat anything, eventhough she asked for ikan keli goreng cili. while we were having lunch. i heard mak vomitted. i ran to her and helped her. i started to cry but tried not to let her see me. i knew she was suffering from her headache. i asked her to eat something and she agreed. i fed her biskut cream krakers and nescafe O. that's all she could afford.

since streroid could not held anymore, i went to the hospital to ask for another meds. mak's doctor gave us morphin, much stronger drugs. she had it but her body could not tolerate. she vomitted again and again. when i was doing my Asar, i cried endlessly. my telekung was soaked. but i never showed my sad feeling to her. i dont want her to feel worse.

after isyak, she told me she couldn't hold the pain anymore. she wanted to go to the hospital so that doctor could do something. i couldn't hold my tears anymore. we called the ambulance and off she went to the hospital. she was admitted.

4th of July, at 4am, she passed away in her sleep. Allah loves her more. we can accept the fact. we are destined to have a very lovely, caring, superb mum, but just for a while.. we are still grateful, aren't we? because we still cherish our mum although she was no more with us.. and we will always talk about her, what she loved and what she liked to do..

al-fatihah to mak.. may you rest in peace, may we meet in heaven.. and you know mak, i never tasted my 1st bubur kacang, because it was so tasteless just like my feeling..

to kakjulie, happy birthday.

since then, u have no idea how precious u are to me.

thank u for being u.

much love.

definition of peace

• when everything around is dark and black yet you can still see a very small piece of light
• when any sounds around you though loud or uneasy does not matter at all
• when you are lying down and the rain is falling cats and dogs outside
• when you get to sit by the beach listening to sounds of the waves
• when you have nothing at all in mind to think about at a point of time
• when your bestie drops by for a sleepover
• when you have a beautiful day with your loved ones

and again,
when everything around is dark and black yet you can still see a very small piece of light
weird, but its my definition of peace

home sweet home

i miss home

happy birthday peach!

a dear friend of mine
she is adorable, wonderful
charming in her very own ways
kind-hearted i must say

for my joy and sorrow
she was always there for me
someone i would laugh with
someone i could cry with

precious
yet it has been quite some time now
i miss you, i really do
wishing u all the happiness in the world
happy birthday

*hugs*

day 3

today is day 3 since she went away for umrah
have no idea it would affect us this much
we are missing you B
no more phonecalls or messages
no one to drag us to pakli for blended choc
or paklong for the toast
ohhh no more fb status tagging for sure!
sad sad day

anyway B please be good over there

jangan tawaf ikut pak arab hensem plak okay

im sure you are making the best out of it

*ohhhh jangan lupa doakan b&b toooootttt dengan pantas okay!*

yesss B, we miss you! at least i do :(

when my fossil says 11.56pm

*treeeet trreeeettt..treeet trreeeeetttttt*

Yuyu: Hello??
Icha: Hi Yuyuuuuu

Yuyu: Ehhh kakakkkk, hiii lame nye x call yuyu, how are you kakak?
Icha: Papaaaa papa, how are you?
Papa: Isshhh lupa lagi ke, im fineeeee thank youuuu *nada geram*
Icha: *giggling* heheee..yuyuu im fineee thank youuu
Yuyu: Hahahahaa lucu la kakak ni

Yuyu: Kakak kakak, bila kakak nak balik sini?
Icha: September
Yuyu: Kakak tak rindu yuyu ke?
Icha: Hihii.. rinduuuuu
Yuyu: Kakak best tak duduk sane? Kakak suka tak?
Icha: Ermmm tak, kakak tak suke
Yuyu: Kenapa kakak?
Icha: Sejukkkk kakak tak suka
Yuyu: Ooooo ye ke, ok ok. kakak tadi makan ape?
Icha: Ermmm.. nasik
Yuyu: Sape masak? Papa ke?
Icha: Tak, mama yang masak
Yuyu: Hahaaa okay. kakak cepat la balik k, yuyu rinnnndu sangat2 kat kakak. Kakak bagi fon kat faris kejap
Icha: Okaayyyyy

Faris: Helloooo
Yuyu: Adeeekkkk ni yuyu niii
Faris: Yuuuuuuyuu
Yuyu: Adek makan nasik ek tadi?
Faris: Nasyikkkk
Yuyu: Adek bila nak balek ni? Yuyu rindu la kat adekkkk
Faris: Okayyy
Yuyu: Hahahaha..adek panggil mama dek
Faris: Mama Papa Kakak Adekkkk Mama Mama Maamaaaa
Yuyu: Hahahaa panggil mama laaa, bagi fon kat mama
Faris: Mamaaa mamaa mamaa mama
(..and still holding the fon)

oh dear God i miss these two lil creatures of yours

aint they just lovelyyy

to mama and papa,
yes ive felt homesick many many times before

especially when i was thrown away to seremban when i was 13, eh noo still 12 at that time

and again when i went to gopeng for matrix

and to banting for my i.b

but not when i went to southampton though *hehehee well of course ;p*

and here i am in shah alam at the moment

yes..physically very close to our home sweet home

but this is the most horrible painful (cucuk2 okayyy) homesick ive ever felt

uuwaaaaaaaaaaaa

so quicckkkkk come home!

x pun post je aisya and faris to me and pay me monthly hahaha

eh ehh Yuyu pun lovely jugaaakkkk hahaha ;p
love you!

dear Mak

dear Mak,

there are so many things i would like to tell you
there are so many things i would like to share
there are so many things i would like to give you
but i realize you are no more there

though it has been four years plus now
i still couldnt face the fact that you are gone forever
becos really, i could still feel you by my side
only when i feel like talking to you, i feel like calling you
then the reality comes and cuts me deep inside
you are zillion miles away

happy mothers day Mak
thank you for everything that you have done
you were my most precious, and still are

al-fatihah..

with love, uwu