dushbag

douchebag
my path once crossed one

i regret

speak now

i am not the kind of girl

who should be rudely barging in

on a white veil occasion

but u are not the kind of boy

who should be marrying the wrong girl

the small me

big girls dont cry
i do

well i guess im.. small?

falling to pieces

when a heart breaks no it dont break even
no it dont

no.

mister big

im the one who wants to be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too
waited on a line of greens and blues
just to be the next to be with you



:)

Trojan

Healing process is in progress..

16%..

42%..

70%..

..trettt treeett. Virus Trojan menyerang.

Process aborted.

Click OK to repeat, Cancel to cancel.

*Haiihh penat nye nak repeat.. *

Cancel.

Shutting down..

tutup buku

from those many many things yang kita nak in life, there will surely be certain things yang kita nak tapi tak dapat.

and i have just encountered one.

sangat devastating but thats life, so yeah.

pasrah je la kot?

*tutup buku*

bye.

please dont come again.

thank you.

Serangan Zombi Pertama di Malaysia

Yeayyy dah beli tiket! Am going with Ayna and Nadd. Peach might be going jugak, Shubby pun, Bulu pun, Ichik pun tapi semua belum beli tiket.

Have u get yours?

Check this out!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=153955761309880

Pastu beli tiket sini okay!

http://klpac.org/

Confirm sangat best. Percayalah! :)

blame the banana

baru balek from a great weekend getaway kat pd
it was fun!
tapi later lah blog about it
cos now sangat sangat sangat saket penat lenguh

and im blaming the banana

greys said..

"You don't find something you love that much and let it go. You hold onto it and throw yourself in deeper"

and thats exactly what i did.

matematik

2 jam sama tak dengan 5 minit?
haaaa? sama?
pandaaiiii, sepuluh markah!

just because

i think i think too much
that my brain is exploding

i think i think too much
that my heart is aching

i think i think too much
that my eyes keep on raining

i think i think too much
that my self is suffering

i think i think too much
and i need to stop!

i am sorry i really am
this will eventually go away
i just need some time so please bear with me
seriously, thank you for being there
you know who you are

bearhugs

marathon

lagi dan lagi dan lagi
dan tidak henti2
aduhhh penat nyeeeee.. makan :S

..burrpp! alhamdulillah

selamat hari raya haji dan hajjah!
:)

vanilla twilight

the song already speaks for itself
something for you to ponder upon
vanilla twilight by owl city

the stars lean down to kiss you

and i lie awake and miss you

pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

cos i'll doze off safe and soundly

but i'll miss your arms around me

i'd send a postcard to you, dear

cos i wish you were here

i'll watch the night turn light blue

but it's not the same without you

because it takes two to whisper quietly

the silence isn't so bad

till i look at my hands and feel sad

cos the spaces between my fingers

are right where yours fit perfectly

i'll find repose in new ways

though i haven't slept in two days

cos cold nostalgia chills me to the bone

but drenched in vanilla twilight

i'll sit on the front porch all night

waist deep in thought because when i think of you

i don't feel so alone

i don't feel so alone

i don't feel so alone

as many times as i blink i'll think of you.. tonight

i'll think of you tonight

when violet eyes get brighter

and heavy wings grow lighter

i'll taste the sky and feel alive again

and i'll forget the world that i knew

but i swear i won't forget you

oh if my voice could reach back through the past

i'd whisper in your ear

oh darling i wish you were here

50th post

it has been long since i last caught a bad fever like this
and worse, hmphhh..
(dont see the need to elaborate)

mak, i miss you. i always do
and in times like this, i miss you a zillion times more

hugs.
(please hug me back)

where is the light

sometimes it is better to have no choices to choose from. because if we do, we then have to decide on one.

and most of the time, it is not that easy. really not that easy.

g.b.a.b.e.d

getting bubbly and bubblier each day
:S

exhausted

seriously
i am so emotionally exhausted now
yes, people. again. again.

wonder if it will ever stop.

biggest loser

mode: jiwa kacau.
this one particular night.
my sweetie ayna.
denai alam.
ampang puteri.
selayang.
opposite(s) attract.
fast and furious.
turned down?
quality hotel.
maple and oblong.

biggest loser.
a night to remember.

lapan ramadhan

When others count eight, i count one!

· Nasi dagang ikan tongkol
· Nasi kandarss ayam masyuk
· Nasi minyak ayam merah
· Nasi lemak ayam goreng rempah
· Mi bandung mantopss
· Mi rebus kuah ketam
· Nasi goreng daging merah telur dadar
· Carbonara seafood
· Sambal sotong sambal udang sambal ayam
· Maklouuuuba lamb
· Nasi ayam penyetss sambal extra


Adoiiii.. 4 jam lagi berbuka huhuu
:S

i..

am sorry that i hurt you
that i said things i shouldnt have

am sorry that i broke your heart
it must have shattered into pieces
i wished i could pick and stick them back together
i wished i could mend everything
as a start is ofcourse my ownself

am sorry i havent been thankful
some people do not appreciate what they have until they lose them
and im one of those people
and im sorry for that too

am sorry i havent been myself for the past few weeks
something bad must have gone into me
that i did things i have done

i know i havent said enough
but im really sorry
i heart you i really really do

right up right up

fill my little world - the feeling

i had a dream we went away, left this city for a day
u took me southwards on a plane and showed me spain or somewhere
but in reality ur not so keen to show me anything
and i thought u like me

hey, show some love, u ain't so tough
come fill my little world right up, right up
someday ur going to realize, i want u to
to fill my little world right up, right up, right up

so what you gonna do with all this stuff
piling up, filling up and taking up, my little
u misunderstand me, all i wanted was some evidence
that u really like me

hey, show some love, u ain't so tough
come fill my little world right up, right up
someday ur going to realize, i want u to
to fill my little world right up, right up, right up

maybe it's all too much, how come we're so messed up
maybe i'm not enough, maybe i'm just too much

hey, show some love, u ain't so tough
come fill my little world right up

hey, show some love, u ain't so tough
come fill my little world right up, right up
someday ur going to realize, i want u to
to fill my little world right up, right up, right up

hey, show some love, u ain't so tough
come fill my little world right up, right up
someday ur going to realize
that i'm passing u by, so fill your little world right up, right up, right up

come on and show, come on and show
come on and show, come on and show
come on and show, come on and show
come on and show, come on and show

i want

we do want alot of things

sometimes we get what we want

some other times we dont

sometimes we want things we cant get

we'll try and fight to get them

and most of the time we just dont get them

and to think of it will just hurt

sometimes we get things just like that

even if we dont even want them

so we wont appreciate them that much

sometimes we want things we know we shouldnt

the fact that we shouldnt even want them somehow makes us want them even more

since the thought of not trying to get them alone will make us regret

that will eventually make us really try to get them

oh well again, most of the time we just dont get them

and that hurts

so wake up and stop wanting things

twenty seven

abang is still in that far far away land
but he's coming back very very soon and im really excited
quickkk big bratha really i cant wait

and today abang turns twenty seven
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABANG!

much love.

jiwa kacau?

harini jiwa dah tak berapa kacau lagi
tapi sakit. sakit. sakit!

:(

count on me count on you

thank u apan for the song. been listening to this over and over again this whole day. well, today somehow is not a good day. really not. am struggling.

one two three

today is july the 13th
three years back, mama safely delivered this very cutie pie

which has now turns into a very notty notty boy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARIS!

yuyu miss u soooo mucchh
hugs.

what i want

i want you to want me
10 things i hate about you

i want you to want me
i need you to need me
i'd love you to love me
i'm beggin' you to beg me
i'll shine up my old brown shoes
put on a brand new shirt
get home early from work
if you say that you love me

didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'
oh, didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'
feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
oh, didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'

i want you to want me
i need you to need me
i'd love you to love me
i'm beggin' you to beg me
i'll shine up my old brown shoes
put on a brand new shirt
get home early from work
if you say that you love me

didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'
oh, didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'
feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
oh, didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'
feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
oh, didn't i, didn't i, didn't i see you cryin'

i want you to want me
i need you to need me
i'd love you to love me
i'm beggin' you to beg me
i want you to want me
i want you to want me
i want you to want me
i want you to want me

grey sky

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy, when skies are grey

you never know dear, how much i love you

please dont take my sunshine away

less and less

everyday i love you less and less
kaiser chiefs

everyday i love you less and less
its clear to see that youve become obsessed
ive got to get this message to the press
that everyday i love you less and less

and everyday i love you less and less
ive got to get this feeling off my chest
the doctor says all i needs pills and rest
since everyday i love you less and less

unless, unless
i know, i feel it in my bones
im sick, im tired of staying in control
oh yes, i feel a rat upon a wheel
ive got to know whats not and what is real

oh yes im stressed, im sorry i digressed
impressed youre dressed to s.o.s
oh, and my parents love me
oh, and my girlfriend loves me

everyday i love you less and less
i cant believe once you and me did sex
it makes me sick to think of you undressed
since everyday i love you less and less

and everyday i love you less and less
youre turning into something i detest
and everybody says that your a mess
since everyday i love you less and less

unless, unless
i know, i feel it in my bones
im sick, im tired of staying in control
oh yes, i feel a rat upon a wheel
ive got to know whats not and what is real

oh yes im stressed, im sorry i digressed
impressed youre dressed to s.o.s
oh, and my parents love me
oh, and my girlfriend loves me
oh, they keep photos of me
oh, thats enough love for me
oh, and my parents love me
oh, and my girlfriend loves me
oh, they keep photos of me
oh, thats enough love for me

when lovely sister turns 30

taken from kakjulie's facebook post
1st july 2010

my birthday is no more my happy day..
Today at 2:39am

1st july 2004 was my 24th bday.. i was carrying Aisya inside me at 6.5mths.. it wasn't really a happy day, but i pretend to be cheerful..

that morning, since it was my birthday, i wanted to cook bubur kacang, as i never did that before. i asked mak to tell me the steps. while i was cooking, i saw mak wasn't looking usual. she was not as cheerful as the previous days.

i finished cooking my 1st bubur kacang ever. but i didn't taste it. i went back to be with mak. she was on steroid for 5 days already. but that morning, steroid wasn't working for her anymore. she started to frown, fighting back her headache.

i feed mak with nasi tumpang, a special breakfast you can find in Kelantan. she ate little. i knew she was not feeling well. she said she wanted to lie down. i was with her all the time.

during lunch, mak doesn't have the appetite to eat anything, eventhough she asked for ikan keli goreng cili. while we were having lunch. i heard mak vomitted. i ran to her and helped her. i started to cry but tried not to let her see me. i knew she was suffering from her headache. i asked her to eat something and she agreed. i fed her biskut cream krakers and nescafe O. that's all she could afford.

since streroid could not held anymore, i went to the hospital to ask for another meds. mak's doctor gave us morphin, much stronger drugs. she had it but her body could not tolerate. she vomitted again and again. when i was doing my Asar, i cried endlessly. my telekung was soaked. but i never showed my sad feeling to her. i dont want her to feel worse.

after isyak, she told me she couldn't hold the pain anymore. she wanted to go to the hospital so that doctor could do something. i couldn't hold my tears anymore. we called the ambulance and off she went to the hospital. she was admitted.

4th of July, at 4am, she passed away in her sleep. Allah loves her more. we can accept the fact. we are destined to have a very lovely, caring, superb mum, but just for a while.. we are still grateful, aren't we? because we still cherish our mum although she was no more with us.. and we will always talk about her, what she loved and what she liked to do..

al-fatihah to mak.. may you rest in peace, may we meet in heaven.. and you know mak, i never tasted my 1st bubur kacang, because it was so tasteless just like my feeling..

to kakjulie, happy birthday.

since then, u have no idea how precious u are to me.

thank u for being u.

much love.

i am nobody

at the office today, the teamlead was trying to motivate me somehow:

nobody is perfect.

i am nobody.

so i am perfect.

double trouble

im scared i don’t think i can manage.

im no good at all.
im a mess.
im screwed, almost.
fire me.
thank you.

definition of peace

• when everything around is dark and black yet you can still see a very small piece of light
• when any sounds around you though loud or uneasy does not matter at all
• when you are lying down and the rain is falling cats and dogs outside
• when you get to sit by the beach listening to sounds of the waves
• when you have nothing at all in mind to think about at a point of time
• when your bestie drops by for a sleepover
• when you have a beautiful day with your loved ones

and again,
when everything around is dark and black yet you can still see a very small piece of light
weird, but its my definition of peace

home sweet home

i miss home

materialistic me

during EVB training in the office today, the materialistic side of me suddenly spoke up. and below are those i managed to capture.



what my heart wants:

1. Rumah Laman Seri kat section 13, Shah Alam, fully-furnished; maid not needed
2. Kereta Toyota Celica kaler silver
3. Permission untuk resign F******** so boleh pursue cita2 jadi fulltime housewife
4. Family vacation in a far far away land once a year
5. Shopping spree - new handbags and shoes and accessories every month
6. Cuti-cuti Malaysia once a month
7. Frequent wardrobe makeover

and now im a super-duper happy woman yeeehaaaaaaa! :D

thank you for being you

i have been wanting to blog on this for so long
guess i just have to blame myself for keep on delaying :S
my precious M got engaged last march, 19th march to be exact
and she will officially be off the market this coming 19th!

how time flies~

i started to know her during my IB years in banting
we were in different classes, mine was E03G and hers was E03E if im not mistaken
being the minority, all engineering students got to stay in the same block, same floor
so her room was just a couple of steps away from mine
i used to call her “cucu” due to her cute size compared to the giant me
that was when she started calling me “nenek” :)
we were not that close back then
the most memorable thing was that i used to knock on her door for coins to use public phones
*since Ayah kept on scolding me on my very long phone bills*
she had this one tabung which never failed to please me
another thing was that i could see her on the phone with her beloved T almost all the time, everywhere!
*along the corridors, at the back door, on the iron board, and sometimes in front of the toilet? ;p* and yes i used to borrow her IBM laptop to do my physics extended essay
though i would definitely end up playing zuma, just to beat her high score :D

nearly the end of our banting years when we had to decide where to go
she started to play her role
first she dragged me to lecture hall to meet up with eric cooke
then she started knocking on my door to influence me to go to southampton with her
telling me how great the place is though she had never been there herself
well ofcourse, i just said yes without a doubt
seriously she is very good in convincing, i wont be surprised if she turns out to be a lawyer
starting from that moment we started to hang out more often

there was this one incident on this particular afternoon during our orientation week in soton
we were assigned different groups and we already promised to see each other at the praying room once they called it a day
i waited and waited and waited for her yet she never turned up, i was so worried she got lost or something
the fact that she did not have a UK number yet at that time added up to my misery
i could still remember how miserable I was that tears started to fall down while I walked around searching for her
i even asked some seniors to help me out with the searching
at the end of the day when we finally met her, everyone kept on laughing and saying how silly i was
well she did get lost but she finally made her way to her montefiore :)

being far far away from home was quite a problem in the beginning
especially when i had to go through my so-called midlife crisis in 2006
i was so lucky i have her
through thick and thin, she was always there to push me forward so i kept moving on
well i could say after my parents and family members, she was the one with the biggest impact in my life
through out my studies, my life, my everyday problems, my sillyness, my stupidity
even until i managed to start my working life

well M i know i cant thank you enough
but thank you
you are in fact the bestest best friend i ever had
i thank God that our paths crossed and i will keep on praying that it will never come to an end
all the best for the new journey you are about to encounter

*the only decent picture from our sleepover with mews*

with love

my canteks buya and her karipap

too late guys, she is officially taken already! :D

june 10th, 2010

im sooooooo lah very very happy for you two

congrats again and all the best in your new wonderful journey

wishing you happily ever after

:)

cheeky boy episode 2

*taken and edited from papa's facebook status, 7th june*

while driving to fetch zamie home from uni..

faris: ma, ma, .. adik bleh jump sbb adik small...
mama: iye.. (dgn nada terpakse melayan)
faris: ma, ma takleh jump sbb ma big.. (with cheeky smile)...
mama: adiiikkk...
faris: ma, pa takleh jumpe sbb pa bigger.. (with cheekier smile)
papa: ....

we just have to accept how honest kids are. and here i believe those are really facts
so face it ma & pa :)

cheeky boy episode 1

*taken from papa's facebook status, 6th of june*

while watching final french open...

faris: pa, abg tu (nadal vs soderling) main ape?
papa: tenis
faris: bukan pa, abg tu main bola yellow
papa: pape jela dik

hahahhaa nice one, faris akasyah!

yuyu miss you! :D

*huggies*

pretty princess episode 1

*taken from papa's facebook status, 3rd of june*


aisya: pa, if we don't go anywhere this holiday, i have no story to tell teacher...
papa: just tell ur teacher, we don't go anywhere bcoz me n my family r not well...
aisya: ok pa. nk mkn aiskrim bleh? bcoz we don't go anywhere...
papa: no, sbb aiskrim la we can't go anywhere...

yuyu love you, miss you sweetheart!

come homeeee :S

*huggies*

bubbly

confuse.
a rush of mixed feelings.
bubbly.
i am bubbly.

Mood = Happy

Tightly packed schedule, daily routines of working, traffic jams. Going through all that would definitely make you frown. With people pissing you off some more, both at workplace as well as on the road, you wished you could just slap them on the face or maybe bang up their cars. But as usual you would just end up shouting, screaming out loud, menyumpah-nyumpah or even cry.

Well as for me I couldnt avoid being in such situation, almost everyday. But last Friday was a good one. I couldnt help but to smile almost all the time :) It has been 6months now that I got myself a confirmation letter! Probationary period is officially over now, and I couldnt believe that I made it. Cos there were quite a number of times that I felt like running away (quitting seems too straight forward). Well standing still, here I am and here I will be, at least for another year or two (I hope :) ).

So for that particular Friday, since I couldnt hide the feelings inside, I bought something yummy for everyone to share. Tadaaaaaaaaaa..

Choc Chip Walnut from Secret Recipe ;p Yesss, more calories :)
And smiles plastered everywhere then!

happy birthday peach!

a dear friend of mine
she is adorable, wonderful
charming in her very own ways
kind-hearted i must say

for my joy and sorrow
she was always there for me
someone i would laugh with
someone i could cry with

precious
yet it has been quite some time now
i miss you, i really do
wishing u all the happiness in the world
happy birthday

*hugs*

here i am..

..spending saturday in the office.
yeah thats life.

actress on botox

okay now it makes sense

blame the hormones :S

to those people i bumped into yesterday

and this morning

and about to right after this

for the whole week maybe

im sorry

if this would make you feel better,

i wished i could be something like this:

emotionless?

emo

sangat down

sakit hati

rasa malas

menyampah tak tentu pasal

*sigh*

muka masam

muram

senyum paksa

benci dan benci

*sigh*

kecik hati

meluat

mata suka menjeling

*sigh*

today is officially an emotional day :(

*sigh*

day 3

today is day 3 since she went away for umrah
have no idea it would affect us this much
we are missing you B
no more phonecalls or messages
no one to drag us to pakli for blended choc
or paklong for the toast
ohhh no more fb status tagging for sure!
sad sad day

anyway B please be good over there

jangan tawaf ikut pak arab hensem plak okay

im sure you are making the best out of it

*ohhhh jangan lupa doakan b&b toooootttt dengan pantas okay!*

yesss B, we miss you! at least i do :(

Sleepy Day

monday monday please go away,
sunday sunday please stay.

well, today is tuesday already
means i survived my monday yesterday

but today adalah sangat mengantuk!
i just want to curl up in bed and sleep!

when my fossil says 11.56pm

*treeeet trreeeettt..treeet trreeeeetttttt*

Yuyu: Hello??
Icha: Hi Yuyuuuuu

Yuyu: Ehhh kakakkkk, hiii lame nye x call yuyu, how are you kakak?
Icha: Papaaaa papa, how are you?
Papa: Isshhh lupa lagi ke, im fineeeee thank youuuu *nada geram*
Icha: *giggling* heheee..yuyuu im fineee thank youuu
Yuyu: Hahahahaa lucu la kakak ni

Yuyu: Kakak kakak, bila kakak nak balik sini?
Icha: September
Yuyu: Kakak tak rindu yuyu ke?
Icha: Hihii.. rinduuuuu
Yuyu: Kakak best tak duduk sane? Kakak suka tak?
Icha: Ermmm tak, kakak tak suke
Yuyu: Kenapa kakak?
Icha: Sejukkkk kakak tak suka
Yuyu: Ooooo ye ke, ok ok. kakak tadi makan ape?
Icha: Ermmm.. nasik
Yuyu: Sape masak? Papa ke?
Icha: Tak, mama yang masak
Yuyu: Hahaaa okay. kakak cepat la balik k, yuyu rinnnndu sangat2 kat kakak. Kakak bagi fon kat faris kejap
Icha: Okaayyyyy

Faris: Helloooo
Yuyu: Adeeekkkk ni yuyu niii
Faris: Yuuuuuuyuu
Yuyu: Adek makan nasik ek tadi?
Faris: Nasyikkkk
Yuyu: Adek bila nak balek ni? Yuyu rindu la kat adekkkk
Faris: Okayyy
Yuyu: Hahahaha..adek panggil mama dek
Faris: Mama Papa Kakak Adekkkk Mama Mama Maamaaaa
Yuyu: Hahahaa panggil mama laaa, bagi fon kat mama
Faris: Mamaaa mamaa mamaa mama
(..and still holding the fon)

oh dear God i miss these two lil creatures of yours

aint they just lovelyyy

to mama and papa,
yes ive felt homesick many many times before

especially when i was thrown away to seremban when i was 13, eh noo still 12 at that time

and again when i went to gopeng for matrix

and to banting for my i.b

but not when i went to southampton though *hehehee well of course ;p*

and here i am in shah alam at the moment

yes..physically very close to our home sweet home

but this is the most horrible painful (cucuk2 okayyy) homesick ive ever felt

uuwaaaaaaaaaaaa

so quicckkkkk come home!

x pun post je aisya and faris to me and pay me monthly hahaha

eh ehh Yuyu pun lovely jugaaakkkk hahaha ;p
love you!

a hypocrite backstabber

one minute you lent me your ears

you agreed with what i said

you even had an issue with him yourself

-------------------------------------

one minute u talked behind my back

worse you talked on things you werent even sure yourself

membunuh itu lebih baik dari menabur fitnah

did you not know that?

yes, you should have committed suicide first i guess

-------------------------------------

one minute you walked to my side

with fake smiles plastered you asked for my help?

--------------------------------------

grow up young man, do you really think you are in a wonderland?

stop dreaming and pleaseeeee..just get lost!!

i think

this blog has been abandoned for quite awhile
blame the new life i'm in now

ive gone thru alot eversince i came back for good
well as time passes by, things change, people change, i change
but these past few months was a big one for me
not only the fact that im staying alone (which i couldnt believe it myself until now)
but so many other things too

oh yes ive started working
where i was quite excited at the very beginning
though the pay is not that much compared to others
first, i got to practise what i learned during my uni years (ye laa sangat kan)
number 2, i got to go to work wearing jeans (how about u?)
and 3, instead of going in at 8 in the morning, i usually arrive at 9 or 10
oh there was once when i went in at 1120!
and talking about the people, lucky me i managed to secure myself with a very good team!
and a very understanding and kind-hearted boss
pretty cool workplace right :)

well it has been 5months now
and work is piling up and up and up that it is sometimes hard for me to breathe
hhmmmmphhhhhhhhhhh.. (mengeluh panjang)
and that certain people who just couldnt stop giving troubles to others
hhhmmmmmpphhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. (mengeluh lagi panjang)
only god knows

january the 18th

its the date again

it has been 6 times now that it comes without you for all to celebrate

how i missed to get to see you smile

how i missed to get to hear you calling

how i missed to get to share things with you

how i missed to get to hug and kiss you

how i missed to get to say i love you

i miss you so much, and will always love you

happy birthday mak

alfatihah